This weekend, Saturday to be exact, I lost my keys. I still suspect they are in the house somewhere, but I can’t find them. I had them when I dropped my son off to volunteer and then some time after I got home they disappeared. I have looked in all the normal places, and some of the non normal places, but they are still missing. This was not the best way to start a week.
When I went to work on Monday, since I work in a secured building I had to be buzzed in instead of using my keyfob. (Yes I let then know my key was missing) I stood outside the door for a good couple of minutes trying to look like I was texting (I don’t have a data plan on my phone so I was not texting.) or something waiting for one of my Co-workers to come by and kindly let me in before I hit the very noisy intercom. But finally I hung my head and did it.
It is now Friday and while I have gotten a replacement keyfob for work, I have not started the task of replacing the keys on my key ring, or even gotten a new key ring. That would be like admitting defeat. I know, as several people have mentioned as soon as I pay for the new keys the old ones will show up. But it is that admitting defeat that seems to be defining me this week.
Sometimes admitting defeat is a good thing, and sometimes you need to over come it. Honestly, I really should admit defeat on the keys and just go get some new ones before I drive my family crazy looking for them and wandering around the house muttering to myself.
Two examples of this:
Today I went to the Support religious freedom rally. I forgot my camera, and thus far none of the picture requests I have made have panned out so I will just have to point you at EWTN’s facebook album and hope by the time you read this someone has posted a picture from the rally from here.
I almost didn’t go, and it was fear that was keeping me from going. I wanted to go. I needed to go. Remember that post from a few days ago when I talked about Zeal? Well I needed to go, but I was afraid to. I made up excuses, I worried about a number of things, but I knew that If failed to go it would be admitting defeat. In this case, I was not going to be defeated. I have to say that I am really glad I didn’t let it beat me. I am hopping that it will help me with the rest of the steps in this direction because it is a good direction.
If you don’t already know I work for a small press publisher called Flying Island Press it is not my day job or anything but I still work for them and it is a great job. So on top of my own writing, I do editorial work, some IT type stuff, and a number of other small things for them. I also run one of their sub sites called Pirate’s Cove that does a lot of audio productions. So as you might guess, I am pretty darn busy.
Well that is the problem. I know I have bitten off more than I can chew, to the point that I am not doing anything, because every time I start I get that, I really should be doing this or that, guilt going. I end up in that paralysis state. That is never good. The thing is that I really do want to be able to do all of it, but at some point I have to realize that I can’t actually do it all. Again that fear is keeping me from making a decision, but I think I have just about over come it. Some things are going to have to go, and I do know which ones they are going to be, but I am not saying yet. Give me a little time to morn them before I have to let go.
So in short that has been it. A week of trying to over come paralysis, in the name of mostly good causes. Next week I hope will be better.